katie #1

Let me start off by saying that Pepperdine is a blessing. It is a place of dark, soft soil where I have breathed in deep, damp breaths and dreamed sweet dreams of the surface world. In my daydreams, the world was a beautifully savage place, and I had a place in it. Curled up while waiting to bloom, I fancied myself a swashbuckling heroine that would defend the weak and helpless. It wasn’t going to be easy… but it wasn’t going to be hard, either. Pepperdine has been a blessing.

However, it is also a really, really difficult place to break the surface.

This week, in addition to my Lifebread Internship, I am taking a class entitled: “Contemporary African Politics”, which I had signed up for before I had even heard of Lifebread. (God is funny sometimes, isn’t He?). On the first day, my professor wrote the word AFRICA on the board, and asked us what came to mind. Poverty, War, Genocide, Child Soliders, HIV/AIDS, Jungles, AK-47, Imperialism, and Slavery were just a few words that came up. I added “Beautiful”, but that was only after the first two minutes and no one had said anything positive. After two days in that course, I can see that this is not going to be easy. This morning, after class, I went into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. “God, I don’t feel brave anymore,” I said aloud.

This is my first entry into this blog, and I can tell you that I feel a bit like my fire has dimmed a bit… but my pilot light isn’t out. This isn’t over, and I am going to put one foot in front of the other no matter what thought pops into my head or what news headline is raging. Yes, Africa is war torn and dangerous. But letting my fear get the best of me is even worse. I can live with the thought of fear as long as it is kept under control, and God has given me that power… but the thought of fear taking away my passion is unbearable.

God set me up for this trip, I have no doubt about that. He will provide, though He never said this would be easy. I am going to continue my work, now. But, really? After raising $3500.00 and dealing with what would normally be a crippling mixture of doubt and “common sense”, finding someone to donate an expensive speaker system should be a piece of cake, right?

-- katie (katie@lifebread.org)